and then I ate him.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
matrimonoozle-doozle
I went to oregon to watch my sister get married. on the way there, during a connection in houston, a flight attendant flapped about sarah palin, how she had real fire in her belly. this same woman was taking her border collie along on the flight. while closing the overhead bins, she invited the other attendants to come to a dog show the following weekend because for the first time, she was finally showing the animal, and would not have a handler do the Running Alongside with Leash Bit. once the bags were tossed into the plane, a flight attendant in the front (we were in the back) said "pam, you'll be happy to know your dog was loaded safely," over the intercom. I hate texas?
britt looked so happy throughout it all. it was crazyhotwildfun to see/meet/participate with everyone. I didn't botch the reading, had on the contrary only the slightest touch of shake in my clenched fist. I couldn't knock that stuff out! so inappropriate and not at all related but I kept thinking of how one time (this might've been mentioned on "dateline") michael j. fox and tracy pollan pulled up in their limo to the emmy's and michael j. wasn't controlled quite yet so he made his driver loop the blocks for a few. I think my voice was strong. I do not think that really matters.
it was nice to see the friends of the parents at this wedding. they all asked how long have I had short hair and it's amazing that I have short hair. I told my mom she should stop all that end of the year christmas card angst, since her far-flung friends of yesteryear are obviously ignoring any and every inserted photo. but thanks, lovely ladies. I also think it's adorable how the little gals move from bikes and braids to law-abiding monogamy. can you imagine? next they'll make children or something. and I'll be that creepy old aunt with the cat and the soft hands. this world is too much sometimes. they're in egypt right now. haven't heard word one so I hope they haven't been kidnapped and sold. if I find out traders have snatched them I'm going to pitch a brassy fit. egypt, what a country. my only thoughts on egypt concern elizabeth taylor and richard burton, and even those are limited. lots of dollars, lots of kohl.
questions were admittedly fielded. are you next? you're next. oh look, they're serving food. also: it rained. I wore tights. and boots and a jacket and a smile. god, I miss portland.
britt looked so happy throughout it all. it was crazyhotwildfun to see/meet/participate with everyone. I didn't botch the reading, had on the contrary only the slightest touch of shake in my clenched fist. I couldn't knock that stuff out! so inappropriate and not at all related but I kept thinking of how one time (this might've been mentioned on "dateline") michael j. fox and tracy pollan pulled up in their limo to the emmy's and michael j. wasn't controlled quite yet so he made his driver loop the blocks for a few. I think my voice was strong. I do not think that really matters.
it was nice to see the friends of the parents at this wedding. they all asked how long have I had short hair and it's amazing that I have short hair. I told my mom she should stop all that end of the year christmas card angst, since her far-flung friends of yesteryear are obviously ignoring any and every inserted photo. but thanks, lovely ladies. I also think it's adorable how the little gals move from bikes and braids to law-abiding monogamy. can you imagine? next they'll make children or something. and I'll be that creepy old aunt with the cat and the soft hands. this world is too much sometimes. they're in egypt right now. haven't heard word one so I hope they haven't been kidnapped and sold. if I find out traders have snatched them I'm going to pitch a brassy fit. egypt, what a country. my only thoughts on egypt concern elizabeth taylor and richard burton, and even those are limited. lots of dollars, lots of kohl.
questions were admittedly fielded. are you next? you're next. oh look, they're serving food. also: it rained. I wore tights. and boots and a jacket and a smile. god, I miss portland.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
still here just barely
Nothing is slamming as far as the weather is concerned. Fay was a strong yawn and although Gustav is looking like a real jerk, I don't think the other hims and hers are planning to do much but weep and blow. That's cool. When it rains I just turn up my air conditioning, put on sweaters and pretend I'm on the west coast. Clarence likes to curl up on my lap during big clammy bouts and I enjoy telling him great stories about the untamed west. I feel like an immigrant, brimming with enhancements for the little ones about a place I'd rather be, full knowing that opportunities have a habit of taking people elsewhere. Sidenote: When I think "immigrant," the first thought I have is of the Irish family in "Titanic," last seen clutching their young as waters flooded the lower deck. Always. Every single time. Even when I browse google news and see something about the US/Mexican border. James Cameron is king of the leave behinds.
We stocked up, though. On dry goods and water jugs. Now that nothing's happened, I've taken to eating the hurricane supplies. In the long run, this could really shoot me in the foot but I can't help it. Hurricane supplies are better than regular food. There's a purposeful element to their existence and it makes everything taste like danger. Fruit cocktail is bunjee cord, spaghetti-os a shark cage. It's electric! Survival. It's like eating the relationship between Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in "Speed."
So it's September? You're kidding me. Soon I'll head home for Britt's wedding. Then it's time for the holidays, then spring, then who the heck knows. 2009 is upon us like an unwanted Delorean. I can't believe a decade is flanking the memories I have of being 16. It's time, has been time, to plan great things and start saving and to grow old. I have problems with that. To me, thinking ahead involves smaller pieces. Like maybe being extra careful with the POM beaker glasses because they don't bottle POM juice in those anymore and I bet my kids will find them kitschy.
-savings
-investments
-property
-babies
-babies too expensive
-multi-vitamins
No POM glasses, these are the eventual big tickets, these should stand as my worry stones. Or not. Anyway, whenever it's too enormous, it's probably best to stare around the sky. My dad can read so many skies. We take walks at night and he shows me the formations and the stories. That will make you feel small again. Small but relaxed. When I was younger, he'd blow my mind away with all the information and the magnitude of everything. Once he told me that the world is so big, there's probably another father out there RIGHT NOW who's talking about the stars with his daughter RIGHT NOW. My head exploded. "Maybe they are blond?" I asked. "Yes." "Maybe they are at the beach?" I asked (we were at the beach). "Yes." "Maybe the girl has a blind right eye and the father is wearing a down vest and they just ate cornbread and their names are Sarah and Tom?" I desperately wondered. "Well," said my dad. "I don't know about all that." I always force things.
Update: Spaghetti-Os taste nothing like a shark cage. Or they might. If shark cages taste like squishy metallic poison. Which, hey? Perhaps? Developing.
We stocked up, though. On dry goods and water jugs. Now that nothing's happened, I've taken to eating the hurricane supplies. In the long run, this could really shoot me in the foot but I can't help it. Hurricane supplies are better than regular food. There's a purposeful element to their existence and it makes everything taste like danger. Fruit cocktail is bunjee cord, spaghetti-os a shark cage. It's electric! Survival. It's like eating the relationship between Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in "Speed."
So it's September? You're kidding me. Soon I'll head home for Britt's wedding. Then it's time for the holidays, then spring, then who the heck knows. 2009 is upon us like an unwanted Delorean. I can't believe a decade is flanking the memories I have of being 16. It's time, has been time, to plan great things and start saving and to grow old. I have problems with that. To me, thinking ahead involves smaller pieces. Like maybe being extra careful with the POM beaker glasses because they don't bottle POM juice in those anymore and I bet my kids will find them kitschy.
-savings
-investments
-property
-babies
-babies too expensive
-multi-vitamins
No POM glasses, these are the eventual big tickets, these should stand as my worry stones. Or not. Anyway, whenever it's too enormous, it's probably best to stare around the sky. My dad can read so many skies. We take walks at night and he shows me the formations and the stories. That will make you feel small again. Small but relaxed. When I was younger, he'd blow my mind away with all the information and the magnitude of everything. Once he told me that the world is so big, there's probably another father out there RIGHT NOW who's talking about the stars with his daughter RIGHT NOW. My head exploded. "Maybe they are blond?" I asked. "Yes." "Maybe they are at the beach?" I asked (we were at the beach). "Yes." "Maybe the girl has a blind right eye and the father is wearing a down vest and they just ate cornbread and their names are Sarah and Tom?" I desperately wondered. "Well," said my dad. "I don't know about all that." I always force things.
Update: Spaghetti-Os taste nothing like a shark cage. Or they might. If shark cages taste like squishy metallic poison. Which, hey? Perhaps? Developing.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
LUCILLE'S* hen party
Boulder, Colorado. The highlights!
Yeah! Read up on this statue for the sickest/baddest/best "behind the music story" ever.
The gang at large. LUCILLE, me, REGINA**, HESTER*** and PHYLLIS****.
Mountains. And a safeway. Two things I desperately miss.
My sister LUCILLE. I miss her, too. Look at our eyes! We're demon 'stangs as well, just waiting for segments of our torsos to fall on and kill our creator. Betsy: WATCH THE HECK OUT.
Fun: a homeless guy broke into our hotel room and comped the weekend.
(not our homeless guy)
My skeksi paw claimed a ton of soy.
I saw a fox run into the stadium.
We guarded against tooth decay.
I hadn't seen LUCILLE in eight months. It's never been that long before, it's never been this monumental before. The year was hateful to make the two collide at this point in our lives, what with all the miles and vows and big business happenings. WEARESTRONGER, however, because of it. Or something.
Regardless, I had a super time overseeing her destruction and pleading for her recovery. Both were so colorful. Alongside LUCILLE'S sorority sisters (REGINA and HESTER) and soon-to-be sister (PHYLLIS), we spent two full days eating piles of sushi and tapas and never refusing any wild number of pints or shots or champagnes.
Go!
Go!
Go!
This is the part in tomorrow's afternoon where LUCILLE reminds me that employers can find my blog on a google lark but I think it's wrong to hide the better moments of my life.
Thanks for such a blast, Boulder. And thanks for getting after it, homeless man. Your audacity greatly lessened the heft of my Visa statement.
*For those of you who might not have guessed, I changed my sister's name for this post to ensure decorum and professional rule.
**You're safe, too!
***You're safe, too!
****You're safe, too!
Yeah! Read up on this statue for the sickest/baddest/best "behind the music story" ever.
The gang at large. LUCILLE, me, REGINA**, HESTER*** and PHYLLIS****.
Mountains. And a safeway. Two things I desperately miss.
My sister LUCILLE. I miss her, too. Look at our eyes! We're demon 'stangs as well, just waiting for segments of our torsos to fall on and kill our creator. Betsy: WATCH THE HECK OUT.
Fun: a homeless guy broke into our hotel room and comped the weekend.
(not our homeless guy)
My skeksi paw claimed a ton of soy.
I saw a fox run into the stadium.
We guarded against tooth decay.
I hadn't seen LUCILLE in eight months. It's never been that long before, it's never been this monumental before. The year was hateful to make the two collide at this point in our lives, what with all the miles and vows and big business happenings. WEARESTRONGER, however, because of it. Or something.
Regardless, I had a super time overseeing her destruction and pleading for her recovery. Both were so colorful. Alongside LUCILLE'S sorority sisters (REGINA and HESTER) and soon-to-be sister (PHYLLIS), we spent two full days eating piles of sushi and tapas and never refusing any wild number of pints or shots or champagnes.
Go!
Go!
Go!
This is the part in tomorrow's afternoon where LUCILLE reminds me that employers can find my blog on a google lark but I think it's wrong to hide the better moments of my life.
Thanks for such a blast, Boulder. And thanks for getting after it, homeless man. Your audacity greatly lessened the heft of my Visa statement.
*For those of you who might not have guessed, I changed my sister's name for this post to ensure decorum and professional rule.
**You're safe, too!
***You're safe, too!
****You're safe, too!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
surmise it to say
last we thoroughly left off was probably march. february, even. the guests were a big hit and we coasted from that point on. we've had fast months. april went by in a hurry and may felt like just a slim blip. I think june is over and now july is out, out, out or almost. recap?
gjurg and I went to gainesville in may to see ben and lyndsay and some alligators. where do you find alligators?
THE SWAMP.
gjurg also lost his hand.
no, no. don't sympathize. he was warned.
in mid-june, jordan and julie came. during the week they swam all over while we attended to the status quo but once the weekend hit, we (+ our trusty "wtf, florida?" allies, ben and lyndsay) treated ourselves to a lost two days of tourist dollars in the exotic city of Orlando. Orlando. maybe you've heard of it.
my sister is going to egypt for her honeymoon, and prior to j&j's visit, brian and I spoke enthusiastically about getting culturally dirty post-nuptials. travel for the sake of travel. no bikinis necessary, no pillow-topped mattresses. "let's forget all this hawaii/mexico/fiji mumbo-jumbo," we said. "let's be nontypical and go to peru, istanbul or the great yukon territories."
HOWEVER, a weekend at a central florida resort compound complete with pools, paddle boats and monkeyhead drinks was enough to enforce the validity of traditionally d-bag getaways. there is worth in most escapes.
THAT'S RIGHT. THEME BOATS!
this dead family is NEVER leaving Orlando
a few days later, nealon also had to see us. (we are HUGE on the west coast.) coming from oregon, colorado, kentucky, louisiana, et al, he brought the rains. to be fair, they'd been dropping by for a good two weeks before he drove down, but it was fun to hand him the claim. doing nice things for guests is the call of every talented hostess.
it rained for most of his weekend but cleared up enough sunday to slash/burn 66.6% of us, thanks to the gulf coast.
I CAN FRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
gjurg escaped skin damage thanks to his eastern euro tendencies, but you know if we were all immigrants together 100+ years ago, the advantages would fall richly to only andrew and me. we'd bookkeep for a haberdasher while brian played with bricks. I'd probably get hooked on opiates.
PALE IN COMPARISON
andrew is now in brooklyn dropping dimes on fancy ties. we wish him well.
on july 3, we went home on a 6:00am flight, requiring us to stay up all night and head for orlando at three o' clock EST. zooming past pre-dawn versions of lake wales and haines city, we were pretty dopey and I'm surprised we didn't crash and die. only hours back I'd been holding up blouses and cleaning house. while I packed, I watched "addicted to love" starring matthew broderick and meg ryan. they're very hateful in that movie but I'll watch most anything that coaxes romance from a blonde lady and a brown haired guy. it makes me think of me! the meg ryan character wore so many barrettes in her short, choppy hair and I tried to stick myself with bobby pins because I was also finishing some wine and I wanted to match the 1997 version of meg ryan. I still do. moments later, brian came home and I threw everything in my suitcase and tugged the pins out of my hair before he saw what a buzzed wreck I was. I packed all the wrong things. I was so excited.
for good reason. our friends are awesome
and we have beautiful families
and the state of oregon THROWS DOWN on geographical variation. if oregon was a person, she'd have multiple personalities. she'd be joanne woodard in "the three faces of eve." but with even more faces!
spoiler alert: boarding that plane to dallas/fort worth was disgusting. I wanted to stay in concourse A forever and spend the rest of my life as an airport location gustav's employee.
BUT,
gjurg was waiting for me at the orlando airport
and clarence was waiting for me at home.
ok.
I was also rewarded with a flight attendant
who looked wackily like my mom! they also have this in common: neither really enjoys having me take their picture.
FLASHBACK! so this time last year, probably a few weeks back, brian was on the phone with our tiny town. I remember waking up in mcminnville and hearing him talk about his management style. he was pacing the apartment on his cell phone and gesturing with his arms. he was excited. I didn't even want to think about it so I rolled over and fell back asleep. don't make me think about florida. in the morning. when I'm in oregon.
but we did! for the rest of the summer until the pieces formed and the background check cleared and the cars were driven away by couriers from kazakhstan (by way of vancouver) and our things were driven away by budget (by way of gjurg). that was a heavy summer. and it's summer all over again. life is alarmingly quick.
I don't know what will happen. It was so excellent coming back that we want to do it again and we'd like to do it for forever. but we're still here. I know you miss us but it's important that you take it easy and stay patient. we're in for much more blasts. vivacity is always ready for a return. in time, I guess.
gjurg and I went to gainesville in may to see ben and lyndsay and some alligators. where do you find alligators?
THE SWAMP.
gjurg also lost his hand.
no, no. don't sympathize. he was warned.
in mid-june, jordan and julie came. during the week they swam all over while we attended to the status quo but once the weekend hit, we (+ our trusty "wtf, florida?" allies, ben and lyndsay) treated ourselves to a lost two days of tourist dollars in the exotic city of Orlando. Orlando. maybe you've heard of it.
my sister is going to egypt for her honeymoon, and prior to j&j's visit, brian and I spoke enthusiastically about getting culturally dirty post-nuptials. travel for the sake of travel. no bikinis necessary, no pillow-topped mattresses. "let's forget all this hawaii/mexico/fiji mumbo-jumbo," we said. "let's be nontypical and go to peru, istanbul or the great yukon territories."
HOWEVER, a weekend at a central florida resort compound complete with pools, paddle boats and monkeyhead drinks was enough to enforce the validity of traditionally d-bag getaways. there is worth in most escapes.
THAT'S RIGHT. THEME BOATS!
this dead family is NEVER leaving Orlando
a few days later, nealon also had to see us. (we are HUGE on the west coast.) coming from oregon, colorado, kentucky, louisiana, et al, he brought the rains. to be fair, they'd been dropping by for a good two weeks before he drove down, but it was fun to hand him the claim. doing nice things for guests is the call of every talented hostess.
it rained for most of his weekend but cleared up enough sunday to slash/burn 66.6% of us, thanks to the gulf coast.
I CAN FRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
gjurg escaped skin damage thanks to his eastern euro tendencies, but you know if we were all immigrants together 100+ years ago, the advantages would fall richly to only andrew and me. we'd bookkeep for a haberdasher while brian played with bricks. I'd probably get hooked on opiates.
PALE IN COMPARISON
andrew is now in brooklyn dropping dimes on fancy ties. we wish him well.
on july 3, we went home on a 6:00am flight, requiring us to stay up all night and head for orlando at three o' clock EST. zooming past pre-dawn versions of lake wales and haines city, we were pretty dopey and I'm surprised we didn't crash and die. only hours back I'd been holding up blouses and cleaning house. while I packed, I watched "addicted to love" starring matthew broderick and meg ryan. they're very hateful in that movie but I'll watch most anything that coaxes romance from a blonde lady and a brown haired guy. it makes me think of me! the meg ryan character wore so many barrettes in her short, choppy hair and I tried to stick myself with bobby pins because I was also finishing some wine and I wanted to match the 1997 version of meg ryan. I still do. moments later, brian came home and I threw everything in my suitcase and tugged the pins out of my hair before he saw what a buzzed wreck I was. I packed all the wrong things. I was so excited.
for good reason. our friends are awesome
and we have beautiful families
and the state of oregon THROWS DOWN on geographical variation. if oregon was a person, she'd have multiple personalities. she'd be joanne woodard in "the three faces of eve." but with even more faces!
spoiler alert: boarding that plane to dallas/fort worth was disgusting. I wanted to stay in concourse A forever and spend the rest of my life as an airport location gustav's employee.
BUT,
gjurg was waiting for me at the orlando airport
and clarence was waiting for me at home.
ok.
I was also rewarded with a flight attendant
who looked wackily like my mom! they also have this in common: neither really enjoys having me take their picture.
FLASHBACK! so this time last year, probably a few weeks back, brian was on the phone with our tiny town. I remember waking up in mcminnville and hearing him talk about his management style. he was pacing the apartment on his cell phone and gesturing with his arms. he was excited. I didn't even want to think about it so I rolled over and fell back asleep. don't make me think about florida. in the morning. when I'm in oregon.
but we did! for the rest of the summer until the pieces formed and the background check cleared and the cars were driven away by couriers from kazakhstan (by way of vancouver) and our things were driven away by budget (by way of gjurg). that was a heavy summer. and it's summer all over again. life is alarmingly quick.
I don't know what will happen. It was so excellent coming back that we want to do it again and we'd like to do it for forever. but we're still here. I know you miss us but it's important that you take it easy and stay patient. we're in for much more blasts. vivacity is always ready for a return. in time, I guess.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
remember when?
hey! remember when I posted a video of two guys with a lion and used it as a metaphor for that time clarence had a $650 uti? and then I stopped writing about my adventures? and then Tim Russert passed away and I scorched most of my body and dvr'd complete seasons of "Instant Star" and visited everyone in Oregon AND ACTUALLY CAME BACK and suddenly it was July 23?
WELL. now that we're all caught up, here, with accompanying music and captions, is the actual story of those guys and their lion.
the best!
(still not sure what that shirtless guy is doing, though. just plain SHOWBOATING would be my best guess.)
WELL. now that we're all caught up, here, with accompanying music and captions, is the actual story of those guys and their lion.
the best!
(still not sure what that shirtless guy is doing, though. just plain SHOWBOATING would be my best guess.)
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
nealon, ur good ppl
I know. A chain letter designed for teens and office drones is a sad way to make a comeback. I hear you, I'm listening. But riddle me this: when Seals and Crofts tried to rock the scene with '03's Traces did the fanboys make snide comments or were they just relieved to find them bearded and breathing? THE LATTER. Away we go.
Four jobs I've had:
1. maid of honor - FORTHCOMING!
2. janitor - my local school district
3. hack - your Daily Barometer
4. pal and circumspect helper - the ad agency
Four movies I've watched more than once:
1. Reality Bites
2. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
3. Annie Hall
4. The Little Mermaid (let's be honest)
Four places I've lived:
1. Portland, Oregon
2. Corvallis, Oregon
3. Eugene, Oregon
4. this place
Four places I've been:
1. Ona
2. Arcadia
3. Wauchula
4. Haines City
(stop it, don't get jealous)
Four TV shows I watch:
1. my "Felicity" discs
2. "30 Rock" (read: "America's Next Top Model")
3. "Jeopardy!"
4. "One Tree Hill"
Four people who email me regularly (doesn’t include blogging comments):
1. Britt
2. Mom (big fan of the caps lock)
3. the Powell's newsletter
4. Nealon!
Four of my favorite foods:
1. turkey sandwiches
2. apples
3. rice pudding
4. lima beans
Four places I would like to visit:
1. most of Europe
2. more of Canada
3. how about Tokyo
4. Oregon
Four things I'm looking forward to in the coming year:
1. bigger and better haircuts
2. my sister's wedding
3. the season finale of "One Tree Hill"
4. a euthanized presidential election. we took democracy to a nice farm, son. she's got lots of room to run around and there are so many other dreamy notions for her to play with. you can't visit. no. ever.
Four people I've tagged (to do this too):
1. my grandma
2. her friend Iris
3. Geraldine Ferraro
4. Clarence
(as a general rule, I tend to keep my expectations low.)
I promise I'll be back. Love to all.
Four jobs I've had:
1. maid of honor - FORTHCOMING!
2. janitor - my local school district
3. hack - your Daily Barometer
4. pal and circumspect helper - the ad agency
Four movies I've watched more than once:
1. Reality Bites
2. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
3. Annie Hall
4. The Little Mermaid (let's be honest)
Four places I've lived:
1. Portland, Oregon
2. Corvallis, Oregon
3. Eugene, Oregon
4. this place
Four places I've been:
1. Ona
2. Arcadia
3. Wauchula
4. Haines City
(stop it, don't get jealous)
Four TV shows I watch:
1. my "Felicity" discs
2. "30 Rock" (read: "America's Next Top Model")
3. "Jeopardy!"
4. "One Tree Hill"
Four people who email me regularly (doesn’t include blogging comments):
1. Britt
2. Mom (big fan of the caps lock)
3. the Powell's newsletter
4. Nealon!
Four of my favorite foods:
1. turkey sandwiches
2. apples
3. rice pudding
4. lima beans
Four places I would like to visit:
1. most of Europe
2. more of Canada
3. how about Tokyo
4. Oregon
Four things I'm looking forward to in the coming year:
1. bigger and better haircuts
2. my sister's wedding
3. the season finale of "One Tree Hill"
4. a euthanized presidential election. we took democracy to a nice farm, son. she's got lots of room to run around and there are so many other dreamy notions for her to play with. you can't visit. no. ever.
Four people I've tagged (to do this too):
1. my grandma
2. her friend Iris
3. Geraldine Ferraro
4. Clarence
(as a general rule, I tend to keep my expectations low.)
I promise I'll be back. Love to all.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
"what he has, essentially, is a raging uti."
clarence was hospitalized over the weekend (that's not free!) but he's fine now and we were able to spring the little guy yesterday evening.
his homecoming, as interpreted by lions and dudes:
-I'm the guy in the blonde, obviously.
-brian's in the blue.
-captain no-shirt-no-service alludes to the people's governor, charlie crist. over your head? it's a subtle piece.
-both lions represent clarence, the first is to his personality as the second is to his vet bill.
more to come.
his homecoming, as interpreted by lions and dudes:
-I'm the guy in the blonde, obviously.
-brian's in the blue.
-captain no-shirt-no-service alludes to the people's governor, charlie crist. over your head? it's a subtle piece.
-both lions represent clarence, the first is to his personality as the second is to his vet bill.
more to come.
Friday, April 04, 2008
paul simon is only 5'2"?!
my sister is searching for a wedding dress this weekend in portland. she's staying in hotels and eating at downtown restaurants and probably tossing a lot of, yet not enough, time at Powell's. she'll see my parents and drown in microbrews and sales tax? what's that? honestly, I hope it rains all over her. that's why she left, that's what she should remember. I'm terribly jealous and I miss everyone and I'm spiteful but oh geez, ultimately I'd just give my left arm to know what she'll look like in a fluffy cloud of disgusting rejects. that's the thing. a girl thing. I have a feeling we would've absolutely nailed Frock Quipping 101. we are genetically inclined to disrespect chiffon, of this I am sure. but I guess I'll see the photos.
it's starting to rain on and off down here. the humidity will kick in and everything will get swampy except I'm looking forward to it. it's nice to see dark clouds, to look up and see it's suddenly shouting out buckets of rain. there's been so much idle sunshine and I get violent cravings for moodswings every now and again, weather-based and otherwise. I'm certain I'll ace that thing called menopause.
I'm watching "Annie Hall." clarence and I do this every time the encore love channel has a spat with its #1 myspace friend "Eat Man Drink Woman " and needs to program something else. they dance from new york to los angeles in this movie and it makes me want to live in either, but maybe in the 70s. but probably not new york in the 70s because I heard it was sketchy back then. and if I have to have a cinematic 70s version of los angeles or I guess new york, then I'd for sure rather take on "The Way We Were," because hello, robert redford. anyway, back to "Annie Hall," because even though it's about an unsuccessful relationship (SPOILER ALERT, you naifs), it makes me excited to be IN a relationship. I also feel this way when I see old couples shopping around town. they did it! they made it so! the man holds the woman's pocketbook while the woman checks her blood pressure on the squeezy arm machine, for example. that's teamwork.
alongside old relationships and failed relationships and girls who love cardigans, gjurg and I hit the four-year mark if you can believe that. four years old! we're as lengthy as little apple martin and almost as adorable. I have confidence issues to work out and gjurg could make a better bed but we're definitely still awesome at all of this.
"twins, max. sixteen year olds. can you imagine the mathematical possibilities to that?"
HOLY SMOKE. this movie is about sex, isn't it?
I need to fold my laundry.
it's starting to rain on and off down here. the humidity will kick in and everything will get swampy except I'm looking forward to it. it's nice to see dark clouds, to look up and see it's suddenly shouting out buckets of rain. there's been so much idle sunshine and I get violent cravings for moodswings every now and again, weather-based and otherwise. I'm certain I'll ace that thing called menopause.
I'm watching "Annie Hall." clarence and I do this every time the encore love channel has a spat with its #1 myspace friend "Eat Man Drink Woman " and needs to program something else. they dance from new york to los angeles in this movie and it makes me want to live in either, but maybe in the 70s. but probably not new york in the 70s because I heard it was sketchy back then. and if I have to have a cinematic 70s version of los angeles or I guess new york, then I'd for sure rather take on "The Way We Were," because hello, robert redford. anyway, back to "Annie Hall," because even though it's about an unsuccessful relationship (SPOILER ALERT, you naifs), it makes me excited to be IN a relationship. I also feel this way when I see old couples shopping around town. they did it! they made it so! the man holds the woman's pocketbook while the woman checks her blood pressure on the squeezy arm machine, for example. that's teamwork.
alongside old relationships and failed relationships and girls who love cardigans, gjurg and I hit the four-year mark if you can believe that. four years old! we're as lengthy as little apple martin and almost as adorable. I have confidence issues to work out and gjurg could make a better bed but we're definitely still awesome at all of this.
"twins, max. sixteen year olds. can you imagine the mathematical possibilities to that?"
HOLY SMOKE. this movie is about sex, isn't it?
I need to fold my laundry.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
escalate
What is tough? I'll tell you. It's being at the airport choking on yourself while your parents do the same, and then finally letting them break free for the escalator and the soon thereafter security station, waving like an idiot as they slowly fly up a few levels. It's knowing how much you miss them, and ignoring the fact that running for said escalator would give you five, ten, fifteen more minutes of the obvious: I'LL MISS YOU. YOU'LL MISS ME. WE ARE LUCKY LIKE THIS. It's forcing yourself to walk away and not claim that miserable kind of facetime, even though you can't have anything like it until July, and July is a long three months away.
We had a wonderful time. All three, eight and ten of us. Ten people in my house! Clean towels for all and nobody slept on the tile!
AND! Listen, maybe a ton of you have plans, but I'll be in Oregon over the fourth of July weekend. A wedding down south for a day and a half, the rest spent curled like a kitten in Mom and Dad's living room. It's brief, it's awesome, stop by so we can hug.
One million thank yous to all our March visitors. Best month yet.
We had a wonderful time. All three, eight and ten of us. Ten people in my house! Clean towels for all and nobody slept on the tile!
AND! Listen, maybe a ton of you have plans, but I'll be in Oregon over the fourth of July weekend. A wedding down south for a day and a half, the rest spent curled like a kitten in Mom and Dad's living room. It's brief, it's awesome, stop by so we can hug.
One million thank yous to all our March visitors. Best month yet.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
hey visitors: BRING IT.
Yes!
the sheets are on the bed
Yes!
we have plenty and plenty and plenty of spare towels
Yes!
the laundry is clean and fresh
Yes!
Clarence is somewhat well-mannered around strangers
Yes!
I'm mopping the floors tomorrow
Yes!
I'm prepared to shower quickly and coldly for the team
Yes!
did I vacuum? child, I never stop
Yes!
let's get you tan
Yes!
I have missed you, he has missed you, we have missed you
Yes!
please get here soon
the sheets are on the bed
Yes!
we have plenty and plenty and plenty of spare towels
Yes!
the laundry is clean and fresh
Yes!
Clarence is somewhat well-mannered around strangers
Yes!
I'm mopping the floors tomorrow
Yes!
I'm prepared to shower quickly and coldly for the team
Yes!
did I vacuum? child, I never stop
Yes!
let's get you tan
Yes!
I have missed you, he has missed you, we have missed you
Yes!
please get here soon
Saturday, March 15, 2008
the ides!
OK. No big movements in the previous weeks but on and on we go. Our first visitor came and went, same with our silver and bronze winners, pals from Gainesville looking to nest on a Wednesday between there and Miami. We are like the unassuming ice floe that polar bears rest on between larger, cooler land masses. Safety and a firm bed, we can do these things.
With Brandon around, I turned 26. It was odd. I came home and tried to write the following:
26 is like the sum of the sixteen year old Sarah and the ten year old Sarah. Can you stand it it's like a me is driving around in her sister's '89 Mustang with a tinier me and the first is talking about shaving her legs and the rise of Damon/Affleck and the little one nods awkwardly and wants secretly to know when everyone fell out of love with "Newsies." NEVER. But 26 is not entirely a cozy roadtrip because it's just me right here and I'm with Brian and Brandon and sweet Clarence and we were altogether (sans Clarence, in spirit, no cats at Florida bars?!) an hour back at a business packed with broke-down Southern nobodies and I thought good heavens, so this is why they start to fade and you ignore, not because you feel old but because nobody is around to make them messy fun deals. CAKE.
And that's when I stopped because I think last year's messy fun deal involved my old cat and my grandpa and it made more sense to eat cake and fall asleep then it did to undrunk myself with sobering thoughts about life and change and stuff we all miss. My ponies always ride in and out on melancholy notes but stay slightly sunny for most parts in the middle.
We all got sunburned the following day at a baseball game. I've never been to a baseball game and I haven't been sunburned in about three years. 26, so far, is an evolutionary year of sorts. To be continued.
So! We are expecting parents on Tuesday, sisters on Friday, more parents on Saturday. The guest room sheets are currently in the dryer after swaddling three passing bodies. I am good at washing for friends. To note, I saw these same sheets featured on an episode of "Flavor of Love 3" last week. They cover the twin beds in one of the contestant rooms. MASSIVE FAIL. It made me slightly ill but I'm almost over it. The quilt they're working alongside prominently decorated bedrooms in both "Joan of Arcadia" and "One Tree Hill," and if Joe Mantegnaand Mary Steenburgen fake slept in it, that should class the space up hardcore. Raise your hand if you pay pretty close attention to television set design. I understand. It's either that or listen to the dialogue.
For a short time, my idle days are passed. They've had a good run. Ultimately their greatest use was driving up and down highway 27 in search of strawberry yogurt. This is no joke, the Publix by my house stopped shelving strawberry Stonyfield units, but in my downtime I have acquired about twenty containers at all the participating businesses between here and Orlando. At 26, I am getting better at nailing exactly what I want. Like I said, to be continued.
With Brandon around, I turned 26. It was odd. I came home and tried to write the following:
And that's when I stopped because I think last year's messy fun deal involved my old cat and my grandpa and it made more sense to eat cake and fall asleep then it did to undrunk myself with sobering thoughts about life and change and stuff we all miss. My ponies always ride in and out on melancholy notes but stay slightly sunny for most parts in the middle.
We all got sunburned the following day at a baseball game. I've never been to a baseball game and I haven't been sunburned in about three years. 26, so far, is an evolutionary year of sorts. To be continued.
So! We are expecting parents on Tuesday, sisters on Friday, more parents on Saturday. The guest room sheets are currently in the dryer after swaddling three passing bodies. I am good at washing for friends. To note, I saw these same sheets featured on an episode of "Flavor of Love 3" last week. They cover the twin beds in one of the contestant rooms. MASSIVE FAIL. It made me slightly ill but I'm almost over it. The quilt they're working alongside prominently decorated bedrooms in both "Joan of Arcadia" and "One Tree Hill," and if Joe Mantegna
For a short time, my idle days are passed. They've had a good run. Ultimately their greatest use was driving up and down highway 27 in search of strawberry yogurt. This is no joke, the Publix by my house stopped shelving strawberry Stonyfield units, but in my downtime I have acquired about twenty containers at all the participating businesses between here and Orlando. At 26, I am getting better at nailing exactly what I want. Like I said, to be continued.
Friday, March 07, 2008
FiskarsCuts are go!
david had an opening today. I thought he had an australian accent when I called so I didn't bring him the michelle williams photo. heath was a national treasure or something...too soon! but david is english, and instead of looking like a broken celebrity (next time!) I now look like a cross between julie andrews and WilyKit from "ThunderCats." verdict: passable! and thank god for that, as I've lately been shearing myself with orange craft fiskars and screaming between misshapen takes. david said I needed to have my scissors taken away. embarrassing how I've come to this, reduced to the same boundaries as an emotionally bothered 15 year old.
I attended to this scheduling window because I'm between things once again. I believe I'll soon be ripe with obligations, but until then, it's back like october, back to compulsively checking my bank account and dabbling in strange hobbies like oil paints and abdominal workouts. I have time. I am like an unhip version of the scarlett johansson character in "lost in translation." if only I could find a few older gentlemen to fall quizzically and unsexually in love with. oh. but. FLORIDA. that's right. so get it here, old dudes. bring me my may-december! gjurg works nights.
first houseguest arrives tomorrow! I hope he's ready for townie bars and jordache-wearing cougars! ThunderCats HO!
I attended to this scheduling window because I'm between things once again. I believe I'll soon be ripe with obligations, but until then, it's back like october, back to compulsively checking my bank account and dabbling in strange hobbies like oil paints and abdominal workouts. I have time. I am like an unhip version of the scarlett johansson character in "lost in translation." if only I could find a few older gentlemen to fall quizzically and unsexually in love with. oh. but. FLORIDA. that's right. so get it here, old dudes. bring me my may-december! gjurg works nights.
first houseguest arrives tomorrow! I hope he's ready for townie bars and jordache-wearing cougars! ThunderCats HO!
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
she can roll from back to belly and belly to back
today was my (late) cat's birthday! is that weird? can I do this? no? yes?
YES.
I miss that little diva. What a headcase. Big ups, Athena.
Moving on, today is Nothing New. Tomorrow is More of the Same. Let's hope next week spoons up A Next Neat Something. We're at the five-month mark. So much time, so much development. What happens at five months into this experience? With something so new and young, what can I expect at five months? Let's ask a metaphor.
"For many mums and dads, the five-month mark is when you start to enjoy being a parent. It's partly down to confidence-by now, you're settling into the role and know what you're doing. But it's also due to the fact that, by five months, life with your baby is a lot of fun."
Remix!
"For many Sarahs and Idiots, the five-month mark is when you start to enjoy being a Floridian. It's partly down to confidence- by now, you're settling into the role and know what you're doing. But it's also due to the fact that, by five months, life with your sunshine state is a lot of fun."
Is it? I think so. We've got visitors and nice (BUT SARAH, YOU HATE IT) weather and yes, of course I do, but it's also quite interesting and I truthfully haven't missed any of my icy windshields. That is a start! And the breezes are lovely, so too the cool sunshine of four and five pm. They're gentle. Unassuming. Of course, leave it to me to fall reluctantly into like in March, a mere two/three months before all havoc breaks loose and humidity sweeps the peninsula like a sweet, hot hell. Hang on, gravytrainers!!! This one's going underground. What then? At seven months?! If it's difficult and slow to start?
"If this is your first child things may come at a "slower" pace. Developmental milestones are different for each child.. If you are worried about your child give her more tummy time on the floor to exercise those muscles and learn how to balance herself."
Remix!
"No! It's too good."
YES.
I miss that little diva. What a headcase. Big ups, Athena.
Moving on, today is Nothing New. Tomorrow is More of the Same. Let's hope next week spoons up A Next Neat Something. We're at the five-month mark. So much time, so much development. What happens at five months into this experience? With something so new and young, what can I expect at five months? Let's ask a metaphor.
"For many mums and dads, the five-month mark is when you start to enjoy being a parent. It's partly down to confidence-by now, you're settling into the role and know what you're doing. But it's also due to the fact that, by five months, life with your baby is a lot of fun."
Remix!
"For many Sarahs and Idiots, the five-month mark is when you start to enjoy being a Floridian. It's partly down to confidence- by now, you're settling into the role and know what you're doing. But it's also due to the fact that, by five months, life with your sunshine state is a lot of fun."
Is it? I think so. We've got visitors and nice (BUT SARAH, YOU HATE IT) weather and yes, of course I do, but it's also quite interesting and I truthfully haven't missed any of my icy windshields. That is a start! And the breezes are lovely, so too the cool sunshine of four and five pm. They're gentle. Unassuming. Of course, leave it to me to fall reluctantly into like in March, a mere two/three months before all havoc breaks loose and humidity sweeps the peninsula like a sweet, hot hell. Hang on, gravytrainers!!! This one's going underground. What then? At seven months?! If it's difficult and slow to start?
"If this is your first child things may come at a "slower" pace. Developmental milestones are different for each child.. If you are worried about your child give her more tummy time on the floor to exercise those muscles and learn how to balance herself."
Remix!
"No! It's too good."
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
my hair is so bad. it grows and grows and grows. I had it tidied back in december but that was almost eight weeks ago and the uneven nature of my reflection is giving me palpitations. deep deep deep in desperation, I accosted a woman in the soup aisle of publix today to ask if she styled locally. she was young (check) and she had a tidy bob (checkmate). courtesy, she told me, of david. some guy named david. I think I'll roll the dice and smalltown the shit out of my follicles. sure I'm nervous about ending up all mumsy, but I like chances, I take risks.
after I released the lady, I waited in line to check out my bananas, gummi dinos, and microwaveable indian meals (gjurg says ewwwwwwww), and tooled through the latest US Weekly, noting in appreciation the hairstyle michelle williams, this week's tabloid cover girl, wore to heath's memorial celebration. her eyes were squinched, her cheeks blotchy, but the way the ends of her hair curled along her chin and ears made me thirst for a similar form. I wonder. how bad is it, approximately, to take a picture of someone who is BURIED IN GRIEF to a salon appointment? as a style cue?
let's ask david.
after I released the lady, I waited in line to check out my bananas, gummi dinos, and microwaveable indian meals (gjurg says ewwwwwwww), and tooled through the latest US Weekly, noting in appreciation the hairstyle michelle williams, this week's tabloid cover girl, wore to heath's memorial celebration. her eyes were squinched, her cheeks blotchy, but the way the ends of her hair curled along her chin and ears made me thirst for a similar form. I wonder. how bad is it, approximately, to take a picture of someone who is BURIED IN GRIEF to a salon appointment? as a style cue?
let's ask david.
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